Being vulnerable scares the shit out of me. I know I’m not alone. As I've slowly begun awakening to my truth, facing my dark side, and sharing with those around me, I have come to realize how not alone I am in the struggle to be vulnerable. How not #alone we are in the struggle of life.
Something else I’ve discovered in this year of growth, is the feeling of freedom that comes with leaving my comfort zone and facing my greatest fears head on.
So, why not face my ultimate #fear - being vulnerable. Why not continue the practice of facing fears by being #vulnerable, in one of the most judgment filled forums - the internet.
Although I take comfort in the fact that I probably have about 20 readers per post, I realize that whatever I put out there leaves a lasting impression - and will be taken in whatever way, you, the reader chooses. Realize that no matter how eloquently I express, everyone’s perception will be different – and that’s okay.
It’s time to stop hiding our struggles, and put an end to the mass amount of #shame that exists in society today. The Centre's for Disease Control (CDC) released a report suggesting that America’s suicide rate increased by 25% between 1999 and 2016.
I suspect, shame, plays a big role in this. Shame for feeling less than. Shame for not aligning with the pressures "to be" that exist in society today.
We live in a time of sharing. Sharing the highlights of our lives proudly online, and airbrushing those less than perfect but oh so real moments. With so many appearing to be living that "perfect" life online, the statistics we see, don't quite add up.
The reality is, often, those who appear to "have it all" are struggling. Feeling such shame for struggling and guilt for not being happy, despite externally, having so much to be grateful for. Being too afraid to really dig into this struggle, and explore the root of this discontent.
I know, because for so long, I was too afraid. Until I just couldn't ignore it any longer.
On paper, I had everything society tells us will make us happy. A big beautiful house in paradise, a handsome & successful husband, a fancy car, 5 dogs, a life filled with travel, all the yoga pants a girl could dream of, the list goes on. Materially, I had it all. But somehow, at the core, I still felt empty and alone.
Somehow, beneath the surface, I was struggling. Struggling to manage the anger, pain, and fear pent up from some of my most significant relationships with men, starting with the first man I ever met. Struggling to keep these emotions hidden, while keeping up with the act of the perfect, happy housewife I felt so pressured to be. - That's my vulnerability practice for the day. TBC on a later post.
The time is now. It's time to start connecting, getting real, sharing and healing together. Healing ourselves, inspiring others to heal themselves.
As I continue to share the healing methods I have experimented with this year, I am going to slowly share the why. Slowly share what pushed me onto this path of healing in the first place. Share what worked, what didn't and all the valuable lessons learned along the way, in the hopes it will inspire you along your own journey of self-discovery / awakening to your own truth.
As much as I'd like to tell you it's easy, it's not. It's emotional, uncomfortable and just plain hard - but that's the beauty of it. One of the greatest rewards of opening to your deepest fears is that you truly discover just how much strength resides within you.
And while I can't tell you it's easy, I can affirm, that facing my shit, has been the most worthwhile adventure I have ever taken. Letting go of attachments, both internally and externally, and really examining myself and my patterns, has been one of the most emotionally freeing and empowering experiences of my life.
And now, most moments, I take comfort in the fact that this journey, is a lifelong journey, with so much more goodness to experience, along the way. After 1 year focused on processing past trauma and healing, I am finally experiencing moments of true "in the moment" bliss - moments where I am completely with myself, feeling so much love and connection to my surroundings.
Sure, I still have moments where the fear, anger or pain shows up, but I now have the tools and strength to face these emotions, helping them to pass faster. And as I continue to do the work, these emotions, are showing up less and less.
So I invite you to join me. Join me as I get real and downright uncomfortable. Or don't. I just might prefer it that way. :p The fear is still real okay?! Let the free fall begin.