What else can we do? Beyond posting on social media, attending protests, or voting. Beyond watching documentaries, reading books, or digging for truth online. Beyond being a good human, being kind to those we encounter, or sharing loving energy with those around. What else can we do?
And what I’ve realized as I’ve thought back on my experience of life thus far, as I’ve observed my own human tendency of looking away & distracting - is just how comfortable many have become, sweeping much experienced beneath this invisible rug. This shared tendency, we most all have, of tucking away those pesky thoughts, experiences, and emotions we just don’t have the time, tools or capacity to face. This little room, we most all have, filled with those things that make us too uncomfortable to fully face.
Heartbreak, death of a loved one, job loss, illness, abuse of all kinds, suicide…. – all these experiences we’ve taken in - impressions we often haven’t fully allowed ourselves to process, feel or move through. These weighty experiences turned inward impressions, when not fully processed. Inward impressions, stored in our bodies as blockages of energy, this weight building up over time as we continue to rush through life. This inward accumulation of undigested experience & emotion stored in our subconscious, causing anxiety, depression, physical pain & a laundry list of other health problems. This repression, so often leading to dependencies on substances or distractions as we attempt to place a temporary bandage over our gaping wounds.
Now here we are. A time, most were not expecting. A time when many of those closets we fought so hard to close and never look at again are bursting open, contents spilling out. Triggering words and events everywhere we look, highlighting many of our darkest wounds & greatest fears. No longer able to tune out, as we watch the destruction from this mass repression from others. Seeing just how sick this world is – just how many closets need cleaning, just how many hearts need healing.
There is SO MUCH injustice in this world, so many humans committing horrific acts every day, but stemming from what? Where does this capacity to be so inhumane come from? How is it possible for humans to commit such acts of violence? Where does this evil as we call it come from? Do we all have the capacity to be so ignorant? Do we have the capacity to be so stuck in our narrow ways of viewing and living in this world that we contribute to the sickness of the world? How does our action or inaction impact these greater evils at play?
I’ve been questioning so much, taking time to listen and take in various perspectives these past few months, and what I’ve been humbled to realize, time and time again, is just how little I actually know to be true in this world. With SO much information circulating, its been an interesting challenge to try to discern what is truly going on vs. the opinions and theories of those so passionately in debate.
And while I’ll admit to not knowing much for certain, I feel much of what we’re seeing before us today, is a massive in your face manifestation of just how bad we’ve let things get - just how much darkness has built up & spread through our unwillingness to look at that which makes us uncomfortable.
Corruption and evil prevalent in most every institution. The misuse of power, blatantly displayed before our eyes, time and time again throughout history. This power, we’ve both given & have had taken, in the hands of others. This power, dictating our freedoms, or shall I say, this illusion of freedom that’s being so harshly exposed once again.
This power, somehow in the hands of other humans. HUMANS, nowhere near equipped to deal with the weight of responsibility & power they are given. Humans so stuck in their egos, so unwilling to see the world though the lenses of others, attached to such strong beliefs, such powerful illusions – most believing their own lies. Humans with power, living in denial, numb to the mass devastation they are causing. Connection from nature, connection from self, connection to that ability to live from love with compassion turned off.
Humans with power, living from this place of fear - fearing the loss of this addictive drug called power - willing to do any unspeakable or ridiculous act to cling to it. Performing unspeakable acts to exercise this power and attempt fill the unfillable void within. This chemical addiction in the brain, needing more and more stimulus to be content. More power, more money, more fame, more fill in the blank. Such a dangerous phenomenon in a society where “with enough currency in your bank account, the minds and bodies of others – the builder, artist, prostitute and lawyer are suddenly at your disposal."
Such a dangerous thing in a world where we are “separated from almost every resource by a price tag, our options expand and contract with our bank balance. Poverty diminish(ing) freedom by reducing the number and appeal of our options. Determining the context of our choices and functions as a remarkably effective mechanism of control."
In a world where, (this) "need to borrow money in order to pay for life’s fundamental necessities lock(s) people into a relationship of compliance and control."
Seeing this all play out, I’ve been questioning this quest for power & control and its role in my life and each and every one of our lives.
How do we use our power in this world? How does the color of our skin, gender or the income level we were born with influence our power in this world? Do we only use our power for our own benefit? Is this privilege many of us were born to have - this innate power many of us have, or have acquired, something that gives us the responsibility to act for the good of the collective? Does more power = higher likelihood of corruption? How do our egos influence how we use our power in this world? Why is it so easy to get caught up in the demands our egos? So much to look at, if we so dare.
So many of us say we want peace and love, yet don’t truly know how to find peace and love within our own beings. So many of us, go through life, pointing fingers towards others, yet repeating our own destructive patterns that keep us out of our full power. Saying we aren’t violent, yet living with violence in our hearts & violence in our minds.
Violence through our judgements towards others - this great aversion to those displaying characteristics we so fear to possess ourselves. Violence through our judgements towards ourselves. Violence in our dislike for those who make us uncomfortable - in our hate for those we can’t quite understand. Violence in how we treat our bodies - in how we knowingly misuse these powerful vessels we’ve been given. These vessels, capable of achieving great things, without many of the self-sabotaging behaviors we often adopt instead.
And while this violence comes in SO many varying degrees, most times, far from the horrific acts of violence we’ve seen in media around the world, I truly believe until we are able to face & openly talk about this human tendency towards violence & these struggles we face within, we will not be able to move forward together towards true change.
If the recent events are not a clear sign, it’s about damn time we start trying something different, I don’t know what is. The mass shut down of the world as we knew it, followed by the brutal unjust killing of yet another black human – leading to the harsh exposure of just how bad racism still is today. Another black human. Oh how I wish I didn’t have to type that out - oh how I wish we could all just see each other as humans, without needing to identify color, sexual preference or any of these labels we’ve been taught to use. But alas here we are, another black life unfairly taken, one of way more than we’ll ever really know of, leading to the mass exposure of just how bad racism & the abuse of power still is today – this disturbing display of yet another man, getting away with literal murder because of the color of his skin / position of power in this world.
And in case you need more proof of this, I share with you a few disturbing discoveries from my research: Across the US today, black people are 6 times more likely to be imprisoned than whites, twice as likely to be killed by a cop & 31% more likely to be pulled over while driving. Oh and a white man with a criminal record is STILL more likely to be considered for a job than a black man without.
This abuse of power, illustrated by the mass human / CHILD trafficking scandal we are hearing more and more about, despite the dominant medias great effort to keep us distracted. Child trafficking - human trafficking, this disgusting industry built up by the demand from SO many sick minds. Politicians, celebrities, royalty – no one immune to this perversion of the mind.
Pedophilia, in my opinion, one of the most disturbing displays of violence / sickness of the mind - something it is about damn time we take a good look at and address.
Ahh yes, there are so many issues to address – address, beyond spreading violence, beyond simply killing or locking people away for life and throwing out the key. Because this only perpetuates the violence. "If society is not doing anything to address the root causes of crime - at all levels of the system - the supposedly pragmatic justifications for severe punishment loses all credibility. What right do we have to condemn crime of we do not also condemn the conditions that breed it? In the US, spending on prisons has risen 6 times faster than on higher education. These vast resources we expend on locking people up could be used to reduce inequality, thereby improving people's lives and eliminating many of the conditions that breed crime."
Perhaps its time we shift our focus to getting at the root of these problems, the root of the mind going so wrong, the root of the evil we see before us today.
Perhaps it’s about damn time we look at rehabilitation – not just in our prisons, or in distant communities, far from us, but in our homes and in our lives.
Because, everywhere we look, these harsh realities appearing. Harsh realities we simply cannot continue looking away from. These in our face, wake the fuck up to all the messed up shit that continues to keep so many of us living in fear, pointing fingers and divided.
Yes, I’d say it’s time we do something different and I truly believe until we are able to look at ourselves, and our relationship to this world around, we won’t fully be able to tap into our own power as humans on this greater level necessary, holding us back from this movement towards change we so desperately need.
Desperately need, because the more we look within, the more we begin to see so many other humans lost and out of touch with the essence of who they truly are. So many humans caught up in their own narrow ways of viewing and existing in this world, so many caught up in their own selfish desires & insatiable egos, scared to face their own destructive patterns, disconnected from the world around. So many humans not truly knowing what it is to love & respect the nature of all beings, to live in truth & compassion, unaware & stuck in their own patterns and pain. Humans lost as fuck, looking for a quick fix to numb the pain. Addicted to these quick fixes – these rushes of dopamine, available in so many forms.
Yes, I’m sorry to report, in order to address this big, overwhelming issue we see before us, we must try to tune in and face all these things we’ve been turning a blind eye to, even if it is daunting, even if it is the last thing we feel like doing, because the world needs us in our bodies and in our power now more than ever.
But where to begin. How do we move from violence towards love? How do we begin to understand each other when we’ve lived such different realities - when we see the world though such different lenses? Where does this violence even come from? Why are some more violent than others? So much to look at as we dig deeper towards the root of this all.
Trauma. A word we’ve seeing circulating more and more over the years. Trauma, something I’ve been working hard to address since I first discovered it wreaking havoc on my life, some years ago.
Community violence, physical abuse, neglect, sexual assault/abuse, emotional abuse, traffic collisions, medical injury, childbirth, divorce, life threatening illnesses, loss of a loved one, suicide, being attacked, acts of terrorism, natural disasters, war, institutional trauma, generational trauma – there are so many ways we can be touched by trauma. Even every day traumas, referred to as “micro-traumas - chronic, mildly traumatic things—that cumulatively over years that can amount to the same damage as one macro trauma," according to Ellen Vora, M.D., holistic psychiatrist
Trauma, something, many turn a blind eye to, causing this disconnection from body, mind and the world around. Repressed trauma, these energetic blockages stored in our bodies and our minds, causing us to live life in this heightened state of stress, manifesting in our behavior towards the outside world, manifesting through our thoughts, actions & words.
Some, this trauma so severe, so deeply repressed. So deeply buried within the closet. Numbed out by drugs, alcohol, or addiction of choice, pick your poison, fill in the blank, there are endless ways we escape and oh we get good at it.
Unresolved trauma, turned repressed emotion, often fermenting to mental / physical illness. Number of reported cases of mental illness increasing by the year. Increasing as the world continues to propagate vicious cycles of self-destructive cycles. And while the stats we read online claim that 1 in 4 of Americans suffer from mental illness, I’d suspect these numbers are so much higher.
Beyond the cases that are acknowledged, beyond the cases that are reported, it’s time we start looking at the severity of the undocumented, self-medicated, manifestations of mental dis-ease & addiction in this world – particularly in those in positions of power or those we look to for guidance. It’s time we stop putting people on pedestals because of who they are or what they have. It’s time we starts really examining and breaking down these unhealthy power dynamics we see before us today. It’s time we question how people who can’t even take care of their own bodies & minds are in such positions of power?
In order to make the progress, we must be honest with ourselves & others and talk about the roots of many of these heartbreaking realities we see before us today. Talk about the struggles we face, the similarities we share as human beings.
Before we can find this peace & love in this world, I truly believe we must find this peace & love within. And in order to find this, we must face this very darkness that is so darn hard to see in this world today. The very darkness, we so fear to see within. This darkness I believe we must walk through to live in light. To live with compassion. To appreciate what a gift it is to be alive, to have a body, to have breath. To truly know & appreciate the power of love. To see others in their true essence. To live in our power.
It’s time to let go of the shame, let go of past regrets, and realize today is a new day where we can begin to use whatever level of privilege we’ve been given in this world to make a movement towards change.
We must learn to help ourselves so we can show up better for our community. Help those who are struggling when we can. Talk about those hard to talk about subjects, those things we tend to stuff away in our little closets. Be there for each other when we can, ask for help when we need. We need to USE OUR PRIVILEDGE – whatever level of it we’ve been gifted in this world – instead of being ashamed of it or ignorant to it.
I’ll admit .I’ve been silent for too long - unaware of the strength of this privilege I've been given - this powerful vessel & voice, I’ve been given in this world. Caught up in my own battles, caught up in my own shame & pain for so many years, unable to see too far beyond my own bubble of reality .
And as life goes, just as I was beginning to step out of the dark, after much personal work, sharing my voice & hearts purpose of helping others through this lifelong journey of healing on a deeper more widespread level, this pandemic hit, causing me to re-assess it all.
And while I’ve been taking the time to really move though all the emotions and stuff that continues to surface as I peel back more layers and look at the harsh realities we see before us today, my message remains clearer than ever: It’s time we learn to take care of ourselves and those around us and do what we can to make this world a better place.
It’s time to stop pointing fingers all around and direct this great energetic passion we all seem to have right now, towards taking action – however this looks for us. It’s different for us all, but we all have a unique experience / mission in this life. We all have a roll to play - and chances are, our intuition knows it. And if you truly don’t know, take the time to be still, take the time to check in. Away from all distractions, give yourself the gift of time to be quiet with yourself. Get to know yourself better, beyond who you’ve been told to be, beyond who you feel you should be, take this precious time to re-connect to yourself and eventually you will know.
For anyone aware of or beginning to see unresolved trauma you may be holding on to or addiction / compulsions keeping you out of your full power, this is the time to begin your journey towards healing and re-connecting. Help is always available, we just have to open to changing our patterns and getting to the root of our struggles.
This healing of our roots, is the work that needs to be done, in order to tap into & unify our strength as a collective and move back towards peace in this world. There is so much healing to do, and it all begins with us. Because each choice we make, each thought we allow to dominate, each word we speak, produces a ripple of effects that either changes or reinforces the way things are.